


... And Relative Dimensions

by Ysabetwordsmith



Category: Doctor Who, Schrodinger's Heroes
Genre: Gen, Humor, Quantum Mechanics, Science Fiction, Sonic Screwdriver, Team Dynamics, Teamwork, Thanks But No Thanks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-18
Updated: 2013-03-22
Packaged: 2017-12-05 17:56:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/726166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ysabetwordsmith/pseuds/Ysabetwordsmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is what happens when two transdimensional devices collide.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What Is That?

**Author's Note:**

> This crosses _[Doctor Who](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor_Who)_ with _[Schrodinger's Heroes](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/1752525.html)_. It's written in script format, something I don't work with much. These characters seem to lend themselves to that format, so it's useful practice for me. I like using fanfic to experiment with different techniques. This was originally posted in my [Dreamwidth journal](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/1756447.html).

[ _Alex and Ash are leaning over the control consoles. Alex has her hands over her ears. A horrible grating, screeching noise seems to emanate from everywhere at once._ ]

Alex: "What is that god-awful racket?"

Ash: "I don't know. It started at the same time the alarm went off. I think something crashed into the Tef. I managed to keep it from manifesting in this dimension, but it's not going away and neither is the noise."

Alex: "I really appreciate the firewalls, but maybe we should just let it through and then kick it back out again."

Ash: "All right, I'll let it through." [ _Pause. Silence._ ] "Look outside. Do you see anything different? New terrain, visual distortions, invaders with big guns...?"

Alex: [ _Peers out the window._ ] "Yeah, I see something in the middle of the Ring. It's not moving, though. It looks like some kind of blue box." 

Ash: "Then we're ahead of the game. Usually when people come looking for us, it's bad news."

Alex: "Point. I'll send Kay and Chris out to check for trouble."


	2. Stuck Tight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay and Chris investigate a strange blue box.

[ _Kay and Chris venture into the center of the Ring. Kay carries her rifle slung over one shoulder and a handgun at her hip. Chris has his handgun, and a walking stick to shoo snakes out of their way_.]

Chris: "That definitely does not belong here. We'd better call Alex."

Kay: [ _Speaks into her cell phone_.] "Alex, we have visual contact. It looks like a phone booth with the word 'police' stenciled on the top."

Alex: "Check the ground around it."

Kay: "Ground checks standard. This is the only anomaly we've seen."

[ _Muffled banging and yelling comes from the booth_.]

Chris: "It sounds like somebody's trapped inside."

Kay: "Alex, we hear someone alive inside the booth. Should we try to get the door open, or not?"

Alex: "Have Chris open it, but watch out for trouble. Remember that you're our medic as well as muscle."

Kay: [ _Swings her rifle to point near the booth, not directly at it_.] "Okay, Chris, I have you covered. Get the door open."

Chris: "Handle seems to be jammed." [ _Pause_.] I think I can pry it loose with my stick, though." [ _Pause_.] "This thing -- oof! -- is really stuck tight!" [ _The door yields with a loud crack_.] "Got it! Hey, there's a guy in here and he's freakin' out."

The Doctor: "Get me out of here before I die of claustrophobia!"

Kay: "Who are you and what were you doing in that little bitty box if you're claustrophobic?"

The Doctor: "I am the Doctor --"

Kay: "Yeah, we got a lot of those around here. The box?"

The Doctor: "It is not a box, nor is it little --"

Chris: [ _Whacks the inside walls with his stick_.] "Seems like a solid enough box to me, and it ain't much bigger than a porta-john."

The Doctor: "This is the TARDIS. Or was. Now who are you and where am I?"

Kay: "I'm Kay. This is Chris. You're inside the Teferact."

The Doctor: "Teferact? What does that even stand for?"

Kay: "Teflon Tesseract. Don't look at me like that, Alex went and picked the name. So what does yours stand for, then?"

The Doctor: "Time And Relative Dimensions In Space. Which means that it ought to be a great deal larger inside, and include my control room, and my bedroom, and the loo! I've been trapped in there for an hour, and I'm positively floating!"

Kay: "If you need to pee, Doc, find a bush. We're a ways in from the Rim here." [ _Pause. Kay goes back to talking with Alex on the phone_.] "Alex, we pulled a guy out of the box who's talking like he's got a Tef of his own. I'm thinking we've found your problem."

Alex: "Well, that's progress. Tell our guest that his relative dimensions seem to be jammed in the manifold where his equipment is in contact with ours. He'll have to shut down all the active processes, wait for you to haul the thing outside the Ring, then reboot."

Kay: "Chris, we need to move that phone booth out of here."

Chris: "I'll go get the pickup truck." [ _Jogs away_.]

Kay: "So what brings you here, Doc?"

The Doctor: "I was traveling to quite a different destination altogether, when I picked up a disturbance in the time-space continuum. It seems that something caused a rupture in reality --"

Kay: [ _Laughs_.] "Doc, that was months ago!"

The Doctor: "-- which I was unable to bypass. When I tried to land, something went wrong with the materialization sequence. I though I might have been able to offer you some help, but now I just seem to be stuck."

Kay: "Yeah, Alex and Ash rigged up some firewalls. We don't like people dropping into the Ring unannounced. Invasions are pesky, you know."

The Doctor: "I'm not here to invade you! I'm here to assist you! Or at least convince you to let me get back on my previous course."

Kay: "Knock yourself out. If Alex and Ash and Tim can't put reality back together in perfect working order, I don't think all the king's horses and all the king's men could do it either. Besides, I kinda like it here. I've had worse jobs." 

[ _Engine approaches and shuts off_.]

Chris: "Right, let's just tip your phone booth onto the flatbed trailer here, and I'll get you out so you can try your gear outside."

Kay: [ _Panting_.] "I don't think this is working. The damn thing won't budge."

Chris: "I'll trying the winch." [ _Chains rattle. Small motor whirrs, then whines_.]

The Doctor: "Be careful with that! She's a very delicate piece of equipment!"

Chris: "It seems to be stuck. I've pulled a Volvo out of a mudhole with this rig, so I don't think it's a matter of weight. Kay, call Alex and ask her what's up, would you?"


	3. In the Control Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Ash discuss the problem of the TARDIS in the Teferact.

[ _Alex and Ash are still in the control room, fussing over various consoles and screens_.]

Ash: "Any luck, Alex?"

Alex: [ _Waves at her computer screen_.] "Does this graphic look like luck to you, Ash?"

Ash: "No, it looks like you tried to build a house of cards and it exploded."

Alex: "Story of my life."

Ash: "So what's that sad little graphic representing?"

Alex: "The collision in the manifold where the Doctor's traveling time box hit our Teferact."

Ash: "The irresistible force meets the immovable object."

Alex: "Basically, yes."

Ash: "Something tells me Chris isn't going to get it loose with a pickup truck."

[ _Sound of door opening, then closing._ ]

Tim: "Perhaps I could render some aid? I observed the collision, but did not wish to intrude on your capable management of this facility."

Alex: "My capable management just got sideswiped by somebody's runaway phone booth. By all means, please see what you can do. Here, have a look at my screen."

Tim: "No need, I can see everything I need to see without it. I'll just go outside --"

Alex: "Head on out, then. I'll call Kay and make sure this Doctor fellow won't just shoot you on sight."


	4. A Wide Range of People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay and the Doctor discuss various challenges.

[ _Inside the Ring, Kay and Chris are still fiddling with the TARDIS and the pickup truck in hopes of finding some combination that will actually move. The Doctor flutters around them, fussing at them to be careful_.]

Kay: [ _Talking on the phone with Alex again_.] "Okay, I'll check. Hey, Doc -- how well do you deal with people who don't look the way you do?"

The Doctor: "My dear, you don't look the way I do -- especially on the inside. I'm quite happy to deal with a wide range of people, as long as they don't try to exterminate me."

Kay: "We're good here. Send Tim on out."

The Doctor: "Who is this Tim?"

Kay: "Well, a while back, Alex decided to test how far the Tef could reach --"

The Doctor: "Maxing out one's equipment is generally a very poor idea."

Chris: "We kinda figgered that out for ourselves, thanks."

Kay: "So anyway, Alex, whose equipment this is so we don't tell her no unless we think she's about to blow something up --"

Chris: [ _Muttering_.] "Which is at least once a week."

Kay: "-- set up this experiment and she tapped into Tim's home dimension. Then the Tef snapped back along the vector like a rubber band, pulling Tim and half his office building along with it."

Chris: "You should've seen the mess that made."

Kay: "Alex and I were out here scouting when the Tef snapped. First I saw of Tim was a tentacle monster carrying Alex's unconscious body out of the rubble. Luckily for him I decided not to shoot him, on account of I didn't want him to drop her, and later we figured out that he wasn't actually a monster after all. But Alex hasn't managed to send him home yet, so he's stuck here."

Chris: "Hope you have better luck, Doc."

The Doctor: "I have escaped from far worse situations than this, though to be fair, most of those involved The Master separating me from the TARDIS."

Kay: "Sounds like another nemesis for our database. Can you give us a description?"

The Doctor: "Not one that would mean much to you."

Chris: "Well, that's just peachy."


	5. Appearances and Disappearances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim pries the TARDIS loose from the Teferact.

[ _Tim reaches the group inside the Ring_.]

Kay: "Hey, Tim's here. Tim, this is the Doctor and that box is a TARDIS. Doc, this is Tim."

The Doctor: "Greetings."

Tim: "I am pleased to make your acquaintance. Excuse me while I disengage your dimensional apparatus from ours." [ _Steps inside the TARDIS, disappearing_.]

Chris: "JESUS! He just disappeared!"

Kay: "Looks like it's Tim's day to show us a new trick."

The Doctor: "Be careful in there!"

[ _Tim reappears_.]

Chris: "Tim, thank God you're back -- where did you go?"

Tim: "I simply stepped through into the dimensional matrix not currently manifest in this reality. A snug fit, but all it requires is being able to see the path. I can't seem to reach everything, but I can reach the relevant areas." [ _Pause_.] "Doctor, your eliminatory facility is flooding."

The Doctor: "Oh, not again! Please see if you can fix it."

Tim: "I am a scientist. I am a hobbyist interested in quantum mechanics. I am not a plumber. Could I trouble you for the loan of a sonic screwdriver? There are a few more components to uncouple before you can move your apparatus."

The Doctor: [ _Pats coat, then hands over the sonic screwdriver_.] "Here. Don't drop it in the water."

Tim: "I will return shortly." [ _Disappears back into the TARDIS_.] 

The Doctor: "He's going to break something. I just know he is."

Kay: "As long as it's the part of your gear that's jammed with our gear, I'm okay with that."

The Doctor: "All very well and good for you --"

Kay: "It would get you out of here."

The Doctor: "Speaking of that, would you care to come with me and explore the galaxy while occasionally saving the world from evil?"

Kay: "No, thanks. That's my day job now."

The Doctor: "Oh. Well then. That's a bit of a disappointment, isn't it? This doesn't usually happen to me."

Kay: "I'll bet you say that to all the girls."

The Doctor: "Well, are there any other lovely young ladies who'd like to take a ride in my time machine?"

Chris: "We should let him try this with Ash."

Kay: "And have her get mad and fry his gear, so that he's still around the next time chaos falls from the sky? I don't think so."

Tim: [ _Reappears from the TARDIS_.] "I believe that I have untangled the obstructions."

Chris: "Hey, it's moving now! Just tilt it onto the trailer and I'll haul it out."

Kay: "Okay, everyone in the truck. Tim, you'll have to ride in the bed again."

[ _Sound of engine as they drive out of the Tef_.]

Chris: "Here we are. Hop out, folks. Let's set this thing on the ground."

The Doctor: "Don't break it."

Chris: "Doc, I could move a china cabinet in an earthquake without chipping a cup."

The Doctor: [ _Opens door, revealing large space inside TARDIS_.] Yes! Brilliant! It's back to normal!"

Kay: "All in a day's work."

Tim: "I have a request. Could you take me with you? I really would like to get home."

The Doctor: "I'm afraid you wouldn't fit all the way inside, old chap. Terribly sorry."

Tim: "I thought as much. Very tight space in there, but I hoped it would expand more once it was back in working order."

The Doctor: "Well, I must be going now. Ta!" 

[ _Grating, squealing sound as TARDIS disappears_.]

Chris: "It's too bad that Midge wasn't snooping around the compound today."

Kay: "What for? That woman is a menace. I hate the press."

Chris: "Yeah, but she would have stowed away in that box for sure, and then we'd be rid of her!"


End file.
